Your Fourth Birthday

Dear Carter,

It was brought to my attention recently that I haven't blogged in a long time.  As in a REALLY long time.  Once again, I've gotten all caught up in the day to day life, and the blog has slipped through the cracks.  Normally, I would have felt guilty about that, but I've decided that sometimes I just have to let a few things go for a bit.  It's not that I haven't been working on projects FOR you, or FORGOTTEN about you.....it's just that it doesn't seem quite as important anymore to write on here about it.  Things are starting to slow down a bit, so maybe I can get rolling on this again, but I'm not making any promises.

Let's see......so much to catch you up on.  Well, we surprised your brother and sister with a trip to Disneyland in February.  It was so fun to keep such a big secret, and we all had a blast!  As always, we spent some time on the beach and felt you with us.  We even saw Dolphins from the pier!!

 

I think that our favorite part was probably the new Cars Land.  We are Cars fans though!

 

Jovie's Birthday was a few days after we got back, and on that very day we found a perfect match for our family.  Introducing Pugsley!!

 

 

Then, not long after that, your Grandma Sherie finally retired from her job!!  It's so exciting to know that she doesn't have to worry about working anymore.

 

So that's what our family has been up to....along with planning a very special event coming up in August.  More on that later ;)

 

Yesterday was your fourth birthday.  We decided that the best way to celebrate your sweet life was to light off sky lanterns at your gravesite. We were shocked by how many people showed up, and we are so thankful to our friends and family for making this such a beautiful way to remember you.  I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.

 

On our way home, Jovie asked what happened to the lantern once we couldn't see them anymore.  Mikey's reply "Carter collected all of them and hung them in his Heaven house.".  And now I'm crying all over again.

 

Happy Birthday my sweet little one.  It's one more birthday that makes me closer to seeing you again. We love you and miss you with all of our hearts, and I hope that we are making you proud with the work we are doing for you.



End Up Here?

Dear Carter,

When I was a kid, I used to play in this Watermelon field that was right down the street from my house.  We used to have all kinds of fun in that field. We would pretend that we were on a Safari in the jungle, or hunting wild animals (snipe hunt anyone?). That field was the home of many adventures, and oddly enough, that field is where I am sitting right now.  In your room.

Who knew that I would end up here?  Wouldn't it be interesting to go back in time and tell myself, "hey, your house is going to be right there when you grow up".  It kind of already baffles my mind, and I'm the one who has followed the steps to get here.  There are so many other instances in my life when I have these kinds of thoughts.

Your brother and sister's school?  Well, that is actually where I went to school.  Right now I teach technology there with a couple of people who worked at that school when I was a student.  What do you think it would be like if I could go back in time and tell myself, "those people right over there will be your co-workers someday".  It's kind of a crazy idea to think about isn't it?

What about a couple of years before your Daddy and I started dating.  We both worked at McDonald's together, and were at complete opposite ends of the social spectrum.  Your Daddy was more of the "Prep", and I was more of the "Bad Girl Rocker Chick".  If you would have told me that I was going to one day marry Mike, I would have told you that you were crazy (and I'm sure he probably would have thought the same thing).

Now, if you would have told me five years ago that I was going to be given the hardest job in the entire world, I would have wondered what you are talking about.  Yet, here I am being the parent to a child in Heaven. Truth is, it definitely is the hardest job in the world, but I wouldn't change anything because in order to have this job, I had to be your Mommy.  Now that's something to be proud of.

I wonder what I'll want to tell myself five years from now.

Let It Snow

Dear Carter,

It snowed here like crazy last week. So much so that school got cancelled. I must admit that I was secretly crossing my fingers and hoping they would cancel school because there is not much that I like more than hanging out with our family in a warm house especially when we have no where to go. It was a nice change of pace, although it has been exceptionally cold and I am starting to crave that spring like weather.

Not much else is happening here. Just trying to stay warm and getting ready to gear up for your Operation Smile 5k this Summer.

The Little Things

Sometimes it's the little things that can just tear my heart out.

Jovie brought home a paper from school today that asked if there were any siblings who needed to sign up for Kindergarten. The school sends it out every year as a way to round them up. I have to admit that although you wouldn't have been in Kindergarten, it stung to see that. I will never be able to fill out that paper with your name and something as simple as that just breaks my heart.

On the other hand, sometimes it's the little things that can just make my day. Like, when someone mentions you, or someone asks a question about you.

Who knew that little things would seem so big.

Hard Goodbyes

Dear Carter,

Today brought one of those tough goodbyes that we knew would be coming... I just didn't think it would be today.

We said goodbye to our sweet little Dachsund, Bud, today. He really was a good boy, and has been with your Daddy and I since we started dating. It's weird to think that he's not here anymore. Jovie is the one who is taking it the hardest by far, but I think that she will be ok. She always considered that little dog as hers. I don't think that she will be without a puppy for long.

So, I believe that all dogs go to Heaven too which makes me think that you are playing with a new puppy tonight. Give him a kiss from all of us.

We love you both.